For we are His poiēma

Okay, so my blog needs some serious updating. Since writing I have gone to and from two different countries, involving quite a few cool ministry opportunities and exposure to Gods work therein. But something more radical than those trips has been happening here at the castle. They call it ‘speakers week’, where we forgo the regular schedule, the castle is filled up with guests- missionaries, past students and members from surrounding churches- and have three sessions a day where we hear from guest pastors. It’s a totally different atmosphere, more of a ‘conference’ type of thing and God is really using it to seal and confirm and make clear everything He’s been teaching me thus far this semester.

In an early blog I think I wrote about coming here being like a brand new chapter or even a new book in my life. I saw a blank page before me, ready for the Lord to write on. I think the first chapter of this new book is complete. And I would call it ‘learning to trust the good shepherd’. Let me explain.

The first day of this speakers week, Monday, was one of those ones where you get to the end and say ‘God you’re so funny sometimes’. I had got back from Serbia the night before at 11:15pm. Serbia was a great trip; we got involved in a Calvary Chapel there, attending the home fellowships, cleaning the church building from top to bottom and helping with the children’s ministry. I realised again how much I love being God’s hands and feet, and felt he especially used me in the life of one or two of the girls who I had great conversations with (they spoke English). Turns out all the bible study and teaching I’m getting here at college is sticking in my brain, I found myself saying ‘at school we looked at this passage, and at school we talked about this...’ which was really cool. I guess it was fairly exhausting though, because Monday I woke up with some nice dark rims under the eyes.

So the morning sessions begin and it was some great worship and teaching, I can sense this is going to be a very good week indeed. After lunch I sit and do a bit of homework or something, then at three my Hungarian dorm roomie Niki says she is going to play basketball and asks whether I want to play. The weather had been looking rather nice outside all day and I knew I could use the fresh air and it might be nice to run around a bit and bond with Niki....so I’m like ‘why not’.

As we head over to the court I see a very serious group of guys, including all the pastors and other buff basketball players warming up. Niki’s like ‘looks like we’re the only girls!’. I hadn’t even changed out of my jeans and im thinking ‘ive barely played basketball in my life’! So i say ‘maybe i’ll just watch’ but she’s like ‘no, come on, you can play!’ and not wanting to leave her as the only girl I’m like ‘okay’! And before I know it Pastor Jeremy or someone puts me in a team, and i think ‘well I’ll stay away from the ball and call it ‘active watching’’. So I’m running back and forth doing my best to keep the ball off both Niki and myself when ‘wham’. My head crashes into the head of Jo Fishers and I struggle to blink away the urge to faint or cry. Today is Friday and I still have a faint yellowish spot next to my left eye, but disappointingly it never did come out in purples and greens like a good bruise ought to.

With my vision rapidly blurring I retire from my short-lived rising basketball career and go lie down, my head now beginning to pound. I definitely see the funny side of all this, but the longer I lie the longer I think ‘this isn’t how speakers week is meant to be, how am I meant to listen and be fully receptive to the Lord when I’m tired and my head is now aching?!’

Once my vision stops blurring I get up and struggle through my bathroom cleaning duties, eat dinner, do a final proof read and submit a major assignment, and then spend some time on facebook catching up on weekend news, remembering again how much I miss my friends and family. So tired, head hurting and with a lingering pang of homesickness I come into worship and much to my suprise experience one of those moments where every line of every song becomes a heart cry and I’m saying ‘God you are worth it all, and I’m going to trust you and surrender again’.

The speaker that night was a man named Mark Walsh, one of the founders of this school who recently moved to New Zealand of all places to start up a sister bible school. So he was sharing about his trials of making the step of faith and pioneering a work ‘on the other side of the world’. It hasn’t been easy for him and His family to say the least. He shared the lessons God has taught Him especially out of Psalm 23 and He seemed to say everything God has been showing me this semester so far! Firstly, that the Lord wants me to trust in his character before I can trust in His work. I have been learning so much simply about who God is, and seeing that God wants people who are ‘after his heart’ like David. Who desire firstly to know Him and secondly to serve Him. Contrary to my initial thoughts God does not have me here to give me a task and send me out but it’s to draw me into deeper fellowship with Him. I’ve found as we discover more about Gods character; that He is good, wise, gentle with us, merciful, that He has a Fathers heart towards us, that He is a good shepherd (and the root word to shepherd is ‘friend’!)...we are able much more to trust him and rest in Him. In Psalm 23 God reveals himself as the shepherd; one who cares for, tends, is a friend to the sheep, and also leads the sheep. The word ‘lead’ here speaks of the manner of leading -“with gentleness and care”. God spoke powerfully to me as I was listening this Monday night that I could trust the leading of my friend the shepherd, who makes me lie down in green pastures and leads me beside still waters. I could not contain the overflow of emotion as I responded to the invitation to go forward and receive prayer, and it was evident the Holy Spirit had not only touched my heart but many others around me. I went to bed that night thinking how God had used my weak state to make my heart soft, and I uttered those words ‘God you are so funny sometimes’.

I would have been happy if ‘speakers week’ had just been that ‘speakers day’, but no, the teaching and wonderful worship continued for the next four days! Wow, do I have a lot to think about over the weekend (I am happily NOT going on any trips this time!)! I would probably say it’s been my favourite week so far, but only because it’s built off the first 5 weeks. It has sealed and topped off an awesome beginning to this year. I feel it’s the completion of the first chapter- from the initial trials of adjusting to life away from Australia, having to build new friendships, to the missions trips and ponderings about what God might possibly have in store for me, to the realisation I don’t have to worry about the future but simply focus on learning about Jesus, praising Him for what He has done and what He is doing.

My final thoughts are as follows; there is such freedom as a child of God. Freedom to fail, freedom to learn and grow, freedom to ask and question. The nature of grace is that all things are freely and undeservedly given to me- I don’t actually owe God anything. It feels like I do, and I can work myself up into a frenzy of what I am or am not “doing” for God, and what should I do for God? But we were not saved to be bound up and tied around our works. We were saved to walk in freedom! To enjoy Gods undeserved kindness, which doesn’t change based on our actions. In the end I can be confident “the Lord will perfect that which concerns me” Psalm 138:8 (thanks Brooke, I actually read and write down this scripture about 3 days before you sent it!) and ‘He who has begun a good work in me will complete it until the day of Jesus Christ’ Philip. 1:6

If you want to watch or listen to any of the teachings from this week check out http://web.ccbce.com/ext/media/speakers_week_spring_2010/