It’s hard to describe the feeling of being back home, surrounded by fellow countrymen, the scenery almost exactly as I remember- almost as if I had never left. Everything is at once familiar and foreign. So it’s comforting and the slightest bit uncomfortable at the same time, not knowing anymore if I fit into this world they call Australia!
Certainly I don’t sound like one of them anymore. ‘You sound weird’ I’m informed by my little brother and friendly jesting friends. ‘Oh really’ I say putting on my best American accent, but I don’t have to try very hard. I don’t know if I’ll ever shake off the ‘yah’s’ ever again.
I do love just listening to Australians talk. A girl in Rome figured that out when she was trying to sell us a ticket/tour deal into the Vatican, and I was so entranced with her Australian accent I must have worn a particular expression that made her stop midway, turn to me and say ‘are you laughing at my accent?’. I hadn’t spoken a word to give away my identity, but she somehow knew it was her accent I was smiling at. I think the Australian accent goes along with our national character. Australian’s are open, down-to-earth, so laid back it’s as if the world had zero worries. It’s not just the accent but the way we relate to each other. Everyone is your ‘mate’ if they give you a ‘fair go’ (treat you well). I learnt all this in social studies in high school, but to have been in Europe I now appreciate the stark contrast. The best way I can think to describe it is that Australians are very simple people, and Europeans are very complex creatures. The way Europeans act and relate can be tied up in numerous things, often religious background or historically there are wars and regimes like communism that still bear a lot of weight on their thoughts and actions. Not so with the simple Australian who has grown up in freedom, equal rights, and no dominating religious or political force. I don’t know what to do yet with these new insights into my culture but I’m sure they’ll help me in the future somehow. They help me understand myself a little better, and the areas I have to be sensitive in as I do ministry in Europe.
While the last two weeks have been quite wonderful, relaxing, spending time with my family and catching up with my dear friends, I am conscious that this is not a resettling. It still has a temporal feel, my roots must not go down too deep, for I know that in just three weeks I will be again saying my goodbyes and boarding a plane to cross miles of vast ocean and land to ‘settle’ (in whatever sense of the word a missionary can think of settling) back in Vajta. It is nice to be able to call Australia home, what a blessed country this is. But as I’ve been reflecting on 2010 and looking back through journals I believe I have pinpointed the very day last year that I stopped being homesick- which is that longing inside to go back to the place I can call home, Australia- for good. I was in Germany, having my devotion time out of Psalm 84. It is an awesome Psalm, turn to it if you have a bible nearby. It begins with a declaration and crying out to the Lord ‘how lovely is your tabernacle, O LORD of hosts! My soul longs, yes even faint for the courts of the LORD; My heart and my flesh cry out for the living God’ and then follows on later ‘Blessed are those who dwell in your house, whose heart is set on pilgrimage.’ You see we have a longing inside for permanence, to be rooted somewhere we can call ‘home’- but that longing is only going to be satisfied when we reach heaven, the place of eternal life. So while on earth what I really long for is my heavenly home, and I must be prepared to be a pilgrim, a foreigner on this planet. To know that nowhere on earth is my home. But my comfort and peace comes from looking always to Jesus. He is my home, because He is with me wherever I go or stay, He is the one constant thing in my life. He never changes, and He keeps all His promises. Such promises are found in verse 11 of Psalm 84; ‘For the LORD God is a sun and a shield, the Lord will give grace and glory; No good thing will He withhold from those who walk uprightly.’ As I thought about this when I was in Germany, and chose to believe those words with every ounce in me, I was filled with a certain confidence. I was still unsure at that point whether I would even be doing a second semester of bible college, whether I was prepared to stay longer in Hungary. But as God promised to withhold no good thing from me, giving me the grace and peace I needed, I was excited to see what plans lay in store. I prayed that day that in the moments I felt my heart unsettled that I would not look to the hope of returning home to Australia but the hope of coming home to Jesus. And something in me that day surrendered to the idea that what I really desired was not a comfortable normal life in my home-country. I haven’t wanted that for quite some time now, which was why I was so surprised I battled with so much homesickness when I first got to Hungary.
Anyway, so the story goes on that I did stay for the rest of the year, and though there was thoughts and plans formulated with the idea of being in Australia in 2011, eventually the Lord’s will broke through in both my desires and the open doors set in front of me. I was invited to return as an intern at the bible college. By the time the question was formally posed to me I had already spent many weeks in prayerful consideration of that particular ‘what if’. I had come so incredibly far from my first months of homesickness in Vajta. Though even at the beginning, through missing home I knew I loved the college, I loved my classes. Now I loved everything about life there. I love the ministry- seeing my roommates and classmates and friends transformed by the Word. Going on trips to share about Jesus and assist the churches. I love living in Europe and have realised more and more how big of a mission field it is. I love the family there, all the staff.
Furthermore a large part of what God was teaching me my second semester was about being great by becoming a humble servant. To follow Jesus example is to cast off all care of reputation, of being exalted. It is to lay down our lives for others, to simply love and do whatever we can to serve people. One of my favourite titles in the bible is ‘bondservant’- one who chooses of his own will to remain a servant, because of the goodness of his Master. I was praying and realising that I would be both willing and excited to serve at the bible college, should they see those qualities in me.
Basically the interns are there to serve the staff and students- we are given responsibility and authority over the students to manage certain things like the dorms and servant-hood areas (housekeeping, dining room, coffeeshop, laundry ect.), to lead the outreaches, to grade some of the assignments and of course be an example and mentor to the other students. I’ll also still be doing some study aswell. Its actually a little daunting, but I think its good that I’d be a little nervous because then I will have to beg God for His strength and not rely on any of my own- something I’ve definitely been learning to do more and more. A lot of pray will be required the whole year I’m sure! I am going to try stay more up to date with these blogs as I’ve realised how important they are to me for debriefing. When I was negligent last semester I struggled way more to comprehend and untangle all the thoughts running around my brain. So blog readers, (Lydia, I am sure you will be a faithful one) keep me accountable!
That’s all for now, God bless you for your love, support and prayers!
